Page 1
Beauty Style Fitness Wellness Living #RealTalk #EmbraceYourAge
Stay up to date

Get on the List

Unlock our weekly newsletter packed with tips on living authentically, healthfully, and stylishly at every age.Get on the List: The best beauty, fashion, wellness and fitness tips straight to your inbox

Farewell, My Period 

When I was 10 years old, I read Judy Blume’s iconic book Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Immediately, I began writing in a diary like the title character in the book, jotting in the corner “no period yet” on each day that passed with, well, “no period yet.” Months went by. I didn’t get my period, so I gave up writing about it.

At 13, I lied to a classmate, saying, “Of course, I got my period,” because I didn’t want her to think I was the only girl in seventh grade who didn’t menstruate. It wasn’t until a year and half later, while holiday shopping with my dad that I actually got my first period. I didn’t tell him, but I did tell my mom the minute I got home.

Almost four decades later, I am again in search of my period. It has gone MIA the last few months, and I am wondering if it’s gone forever. I am wondering if I should get a journal and write about my mixed emotions: “Are you there, God? It’s Me, Randi. I’m not sure I’m ready to be in menopause, but I guess I am.”

As a preteen, I eagerly anticipated the arrival of my period, certain it would mean I would gain entry to a secret club I desperately wanted to be a part of. Now it seems I am a member of a club I don’t feel ready for. In my mind and heart I am young, but my ovaries beg to differ. Regardless of how young I feel or think I look, my uterus is middle age and ready for retirement (should I throw it a party and buy it a watch?).


As much as I looked forward to the start of my period, that’s how much I dread never getting it again.


As much as I looked forward to the start of my period, that’s how much I dread never getting it again.

It’s not that I always loved getting my period. In fact, since that December afternoon when it first arrived, my period and I have had our ups and downs.

In high school, the cramps were debilitating. I would come home from school, take two Midol, and lie on the floor with a heating pad on my stomach, listening to Madonna on the radio and wondering why women had to suffer so much.

In college, I had my first serious boyfriend and no longer dreaded getting my “monthly,” as my mom liked to call it. In fact, I prayed for it, as in, “Please, please, please, let me get my period and not be pregnant.” In my late 20s, when my husband and I wanted a child, those prayers went in reverse.

Aside from when I was pregnant, my period was something I could count on each month. Like a trip to Costco, it was something that needed to happen on a regular basis so that there could be order in the world. Yes, it seemed to be due on annoying days, like when we were leaving on vacation or I was going to a party and wanted to wear white pants. And, yes, I tended to greet it rudely, exclaiming “Ugh! I have my period!” when I saw it arrive. But still, I expected it each month, and we had a rhythm going.

Then, a few weeks ago, I realized I hadn’t gotten my period in a long time. I knew I wasn’t pregnant.


Fast forward a decade and all I can say is that karma is a bitch — and she is causing me to sweat profusely out of nowhere, even when it’s below freezing outside.


Is that it? Am I really done? It seems so odd, like saying goodbye to a friend whom you didn’t really like but you constantly relied on. I kept watch. I thought maybe I was just off schedule. But months passed with no period.

When my oldest daughter was in grade school, I became friends with one of the moms who had a child in the same class. At one point, that mom mentioned to me that she was in perimenopause. I thought, “Whoa! This lady is old!” I was so astounded that I was a vibrant, menstruating mama and this woman who had a child the same age as mine was hot flashing beside me that I commented not only to myself but also to my husband later that day. Fast forward a decade and all I can say is that karma is a bitch — and she is causing me to sweat profusely out of nowhere, even when it’s below freezing outside.

Though I didn’t plan to have more children, knowing I am no longer biologically capable makes me feel old and a little sad. I understand now why it’s called “the change.” It really is a change. When I celebrated my 50th birthday, I thought that number would make me feel old, but I felt pretty much the same. But this concrete evidence of aging makes me feel mournful. It makes me feel frightened. And it makes me feel guilty that I ever looked at a woman my age and decided she was “old.” I don’t want people to see me that way.

When I told my 19-year-old daughter that it seemed I wouldn’t be getting my period anymore, she said, “You are so lucky! I wish I didn’t get my period! It sucks!” I remember feeling that same way at her age. I hope in time that I will feel that way again.

For now, I know that not having a period doesn’t mean I am not a woman: It means I am a mature woman who has lived a lot of life and still has more to live. I am just as alive and vital as I have ever been — with the bonus of being able to wear white pants any damn day I please!

Photo: Quino Al

You Might Also Like

‘Gilmore Girls’ and Me
#RealTalk

‘Gilmore Girls’ and Me

The seven-season series Gilmore Girls and its four afterglow episodes, A Year in the Life,...

read
Why I Hold On Tight to Old Friends
#RealTalk

Why I Hold On Tight to Old Friends

One of the biggest arguments I ever had with my father was...

read
The ‘I Am’ Project Showcases Ageless Beauty
#RealTalk

The ‘I Am’ Project Showcases Ageless Beauty

Angelika Buettner is on a crusade to celebrate the natural beauty of...

read
My Second Awkward Stage
#RealTalk

My Second Awkward Stage

A couple of weeks ago, I took my eldest son and my...

read
‘Aging Isn’t for Wimps’ and Other Quotes From Our Readers
#RealTalk

‘Aging Isn’t for Wimps’ and Other Quotes From Our Readers

We asked our Facebook followers what part of aging has surprised them...

read
Hot Flashes in the Boardroom
#RealTalk

Hot Flashes in the Boardroom

I couldn’t help but giggle recently when I read one of Sharon...

read
Eat This Now: Overnight Pumpkin Oatmeal
Wellness

Eat This Now: Overnight Pumpkin Oatmeal

We at The Fine Line eat lots of oatmeal. Especially in the...

read
Women Who Inspire: BRU Bone Broth Founder Soo-Ah Landa
Living

Women Who Inspire: BRU Bone Broth Founder Soo-Ah Landa

Some might say bone broth is having a moment, but don’t tell...

read
‘Gilmore Girls’ and Me
#RealTalk

‘Gilmore Girls’ and Me

The seven-season series Gilmore Girls and its four afterglow episodes, A Year in the Life,...

read
6 Good Reasons to Eat More Fiber
Wellness

6 Good Reasons to Eat More Fiber

Fiber is the indigestible part of a carbohydrate that packs a powerful...

read
Learn to Embrace Active Recovery Days
Fitness

Learn to Embrace Active Recovery Days

In today’s “go big or go home” mentality, it is easy to...

read
Give Yourself a Gray Hair Makeover
Beauty

Give Yourself a Gray Hair Makeover

As your hair’s pigment seemingly evaporates into thin air, you might notice...

read
7 Ways to Strengthen Bones Naturally
Wellness

7 Ways to Strengthen Bones Naturally

For many, bone density holds cause for concern: Osteoporosis is a diagnosis...

read
Beauty Buzzwords: Beta Hydroxy Acids
Beauty

Beauty Buzzwords: Beta Hydroxy Acids

When you were younger, your skin functioned more nimbly. It produced loads...

read
9 Little Black Dresses That Work Around the Clock
Style

9 Little Black Dresses That Work Around the Clock

We’ve been contemplating the idea of a uniform. These little black dresses...

read
Digital Fitness: Yay or Nay?
Fitness

Digital Fitness: Yay or Nay?

The music’s pumping, the sweat is dripping, and the high-energy instructor is...

read
Why I Hold On Tight to Old Friends
#RealTalk

Why I Hold On Tight to Old Friends

One of the biggest arguments I ever had with my father was...

read
Office Hours: What Should I Wear on a Job Interview?
Living

Office Hours: What Should I Wear on a Job Interview?

Welcome to Office Hours, where each month a Fairygodboss expert answers a question from...

read
Women Who Inspire: Beauty Industry Titan Bobbi Brown
Living

Women Who Inspire: Beauty Industry Titan Bobbi Brown

When makeup artist Bobbi Brown created 10 simple brown-based lipsticks at her...

read
The ‘I Am’ Project Showcases Ageless Beauty
#RealTalk

The ‘I Am’ Project Showcases Ageless Beauty

Angelika Buettner is on a crusade to celebrate the natural beauty of...

read
11 Water Bottles We’re Thirsty For
Fitness

11 Water Bottles We’re Thirsty For

Above the political din, the conversation about saving the planet rises. Innovative...

read
My Second Awkward Stage
#RealTalk

My Second Awkward Stage

A couple of weeks ago, I took my eldest son and my...

read
3 Foam Roller Exercises to Limber You Up
Wellness

3 Foam Roller Exercises to Limber You Up

Pretty much everyone can benefit from a few foam roller exercises, says...

read
Every Little Reason to Use a Foam Roller
Wellness

Every Little Reason to Use a Foam Roller

If you experience stress or regularly exercise, your muscles will thank you...

read
‘Aging Isn’t for Wimps’ and Other Quotes From Our Readers
#RealTalk

‘Aging Isn’t for Wimps’ and Other Quotes From Our Readers

We asked our Facebook followers what part of aging has surprised them...

read
Beauty Buzzwords: Vitamin E
Beauty

Beauty Buzzwords: Vitamin E

We’re always on the lookout for products that multitask, so if an...

read
Road Test: Elle Macpherson’s SUPER ELIXIR Greens
Beauty

Road Test: Elle Macpherson’s SUPER ELIXIR Greens

I was preparing to write this story when I met a long-time...

read
Women Who Inspire: The F-Factor Diet Founder Tanya Zuckerbrot
Wellness

Women Who Inspire: The F-Factor Diet Founder Tanya Zuckerbrot

Food was always an important part of Tanya Zuckerbrot’s life growing up,...

read
8 Red Lipsticks for a Luscious Pucker
Beauty

8 Red Lipsticks for a Luscious Pucker

Think you can’t rock red lipstick in your 40s and beyond? Think...

read
Women Who Inspire: Writer Dana Johnson
Living

Women Who Inspire: Writer Dana Johnson

The transition point in Dana Johnson’s life came at 31, when she...

read
Load More
share
To Top